Tug of War – One Side

I have friends. Some are wealthier than I, some are not as wealthy. Sometimes there is a tug of war inside me between being truly grateful for the generosity of others and making dang sure I'm not a leech, taking advantage of their generosity. 

Twice this last weeK: some dear friends on a lark, invited me to fly to Austin (40 min by air, 2.5 hours by car) to have dinner at a very nice restaurant, chauffeured to and from the airport – posh all the way around. A couple of days later, other dear friends came by in their brand new corvette, bought 10 books (Lifeshocks – Out of the Blue), took me and my daughter to a very nice restaurant. They have also extended their hospitality to me at several of their homes. 

The tug of war inside my head revolves around comparison – "if they have more money, they are more important/superior to me, and I am not as important/inferior to them, so in order to be in their league, I have to prove that I matter, I have to keep up, at the very least I have to pay my part … which I can't afford, therefore I am not as good as they are." 

On the one hand, I know cerebrally that that is a bunch of bunk, but viscerally, it's a tug of war. When my heart wins, I am grateful for the generosity of my friends, delighted that they have all they have, while also taking full responsibility for the quality of my life, delighting in all that I have.