I feel unclean when I have resentment. My jaw clenches, my torso is tight, and I just feel mean – mean
spirited, mean-bodied. And when I say spiteful things, I can sometimes actually taste the bitterness at the back of my tongue. That's the first part – catching the symptomology of resentment, feeling spiritually tainted, being Against anything or anyone (vs. For something that's heartfelt).
The second part is admitting to myself all the ways I've paid *them* back. There's usually a nasty Pay Back pattern regardless of who I resent or what they did. My fall-back revenge is usually a secret superiority (it's not very nice to let it show), which justifies me to do it My Way (if necessary, ask for forgiveness later). When I admit to myself all the dishonoring things I thought or did, I feel shame, contrition, embarrassment – depending on how treacherous my thoughts have been (hoping I'm there the day they get theirs!) or how I've behaved.
Once I've owned up, feeling penitent, I have another choice to make, do I make restitution face to face? Or do it spiritually, in a visualization? With people I care for (which are usually the ones that get on my resentment list the easiest, because those are the ones I have the most demand that they be the way I want them to be), the face-to-face has always worked. Truly, I am surrounded by benevolence, people with the most compassionate of hearts, who forgive easily. They keep me humble and even more determined to be my best.
More to come.