too much, too soon – still learned my lesson
Yesterday I felt 70% recovered from the flu – which seemed almost like being young again – I was so energized compared to how I had felt a few days ago.
My error in judgment was to assume I could get back on schedule – like I was pre-flu. So last night, I went to the Houston Steering Committee meeting of the More To Life program. About 2 hours into the meeting, I hit the wall, and I didn't notice. I didn't notice I was getting tighter and tighter – more and more snarky. I kept pushing the agenda in order to get done, so I could go home. The more I pushed, the more embroiled I got in impatience. The more impatient I got, the more driven I became – cutting people off mid-sentence, tiredly explaining things, saying the same things, etc. Finally there became a point when I recognized that I was cutting off someone else's point … I see it clearly even now, the look on Leslie's face – open and present to me. I got the contrast between her state and mine – it was painfully obvious.
So I told the truth to my group of friends, asked for forgiveness for my cranky behavior – and they, as always, were very forgiving, consoling … for which I am very grateful. On the one hand, I really, really don't like being that way with people for whom I care so much. On the other hand, I so appreciate being able to be real and have foibles in front of people for whom I care so much. Thank you, Leslie, Valerie, Sylvia, and Julie (Fischer), and also Kathy, Robin and William (who weren't at that meeting, but who would have been the same as the others had they been there.)
Pic from a couple of weeks ago at the MTL Ball: Right to left: Valerie Burson, me, Robin Henry, Leslie Pierkowski, Sylvia Hebert-Goldreyer, Kathy Simmons, William Holt.
I am one blessed woman!
(And in the course-correcting replay in my mind, I imagined myself noticing that I had hit the wall, excusing myself to go home – sparing my own energy and sparing those I love from my impatience – which seems to be inevitable when I run out of alive energy.)
