Sacrifice vs Martyrdom

In my youth (OK, well into my 30's – sort of my youth, from this standpoint), I thought of sacrifice as the giving up of something that I didn't really want to give up. Like I had to sacrifice a good time in order to satisfy an obligation. And boy did I have examples galore of that! Meet St. Ann, The Martyr. (I learned well from my Grandmother's knee – she was the original Martyr in our family. I'm sure she learned it from somewhere else.)

As wisdom began to creep its way into my psyche, I discovered and experienced the true meaning of 'sacrifice' – to make Holy. The word now means to lay my ego on the altar and surrender to a higher call. EG: I took a year out of my normal life to go to school double time, work 2 part-time jobs in order to provide a decent future for Rebecca and me. That year, I did nothing except school, work, Rebecca .. no movies, no fun reading, no nothing. At the time, I knew what I wanted and how it would serve me, Rebecca and my future clients. In smaller ways, I move things around in my diary to accommodate a friend's emergency, or stay up late to meet a deadline, or … or ….. or ….  You know!

I am watching Rebecca and Troy (daughter and s-i-l) sacrifice time, energy, and personal comforts to diligently attend to the needs of a newborn – which are pretty all-consuming. Anyone who has been a parent will know exactly what I mean.

The trick for me is not to sacrifice too much – not to dip so far into my personal well, that I run dry. At that point, I still share. But instead of my love, admiration and respect, I share my stress, anger, rationalizations for my self indulgence – my martyrdom. In reality, I can play any behavior either way. I can serve a meal as a sacrifice, or I can serve the same meal as a martyr. The meal will taste different.

But what is really magic about it all is that the line between Sacrifice and Martyrdom keeps moving and changing, requiring me to stay AWAKE and to be present to who I am in That Moment, who the other person or the goal/dream is in That Moment. Fascinating, eh?