Me? or thee?

So much confusion about being Selfish … vs …. Selfless. It’s been a lifetime of unpacking that one. As the eldest of 8, I was often accused of being “selfish” if I didn’t want to share My toys/clothes/makeup. The intent of this accusation (whether said out loud or inferred) was an attempt for me to become what “they” wanted me to be, do or feel. It worked (till I woke up)!

On the other hand, the quality of being “selfless” was extolled as virtuous, commendable – and the reward for being “selfless” was that people liked you, a guarantee of not being isolated or ostracized. So Selfish is bad. Selfless is good.  The two qualities reinforced each other.

Problem #1 – resentment. It started slow, then built over the years. But since it is also “bad” to be resentful, I submerged it. However, resentment is poisonous to the body, mind, spirit – My body, mind, spirit.

Problem #2 – ignorance. This is the biggest problem. “Selfless” = no “Self”. So who am I? No one. No right to say or do or feel whatever I want. The very thing I was afraid of – being isolated, ostracized – I did to mySELF. No one knows ME. Not even me. “I” don’t exist.

The Cure – boundaries. This is what is OK with me. This is what is NOT OK with me. My boundaries are different for different people – depending on their degree of respect for Who I AM. However, the person I most have a hawk’s eye on … is me.  My constant question to mySELF is … am I treating mySELF respectfully, lovingly, kindly and with utmost allegiance to my Essence, my unique Destiny?  My Essence is always unfolding. It’s up to me to pay attention. This is where I trust my body. It’s tuned into my Essence in a way that my Mind is not.