Paula Williams
Paula Williams and I were chatting the other day. She told me that someone had told her, right to her face, that she was beautiful. Her immediate reaction was defensive, totally not believing the person. I asked her, "So you think he's a liar." Well, she couldn't buy that either, cuz he's not.
It's important to know that Paula, in fact, IS a beautiful woman – highly intelligent (a law professor, for Pete's sake), and we are privileged to have her as the Chair of the Knoxville Steering Committee for the More To Life Program. We are talking about a wise woman here – which, of course, is beside the point, when dealing with ancient history lurking in unexpected places in the mind.
When the defensiveness was unraveled, she discovered that she had been believing that it was imperative that she fly under the radar, or else it will be discovered that she is really smart, and then she will be 'outed' and unable to play small. Flying under the radar as a child minimized abuse from her stepmother (whose behavior defined the phrase "evil stepmother").
What's truly nutty about this is that she DOES play a big game – nationally recognized in her profession, as well as recognized by the More To Life Program. But the reactive mind is quite capable of ignoring any reality which counters its cherished tenets (a form of personal abuse). Meanwhile, our creative minds continue to make their marks, many times unacknowledged and taken for granted (another form of personal abuse).
I distinctly recall a recurring conviction I had growing up that I didn't belong and was isolated from the rest of the family. The reality was that I was living with 9 other people in the same house. I did have my own bedroom – but that hardly qualifies as being isolated from the rest of the family! (I loved my room.)
What reality is Your mind ignoring … and pretending 'what' instead?
I walked into my office, feeling heavy and lonely and sad.
Switched on the computer, only got to read this blog today on 12th February.
I lit the yellow candle on my desk- and silently invited light and warmth for this day. Yes my job is tough, yes I’m unappreciated sometimes, yes it is far from home and my family… but again
YES! When I read your last paragraph, it reminded me of how much I already have. In your words: taking stock of how rich and abundant my life is. I love my life – all of it – all the twists, turns, surprises, flat spots, bright spots, downturns and upturns, heart opening, heart slamming shut, seeing opportunities, missing opportunities, being upheld, being resented, being loved and being ignored, crying my eyes out, laughing my butt off, feeling, being numb, savoring the taste of ice cream, bolting my food, making love, incarcerating myself behind an imaginary wall, holding my newborn nephew and niece, being alone in a warm bed, my just-right apartment, my just-right car, my mortgage, hugging my mother and nieces, traveling often, having good friends around the world to share my tears and joys – and oh, yes, my excellent health, and good fit body, my yoga, and being sore – for all of it – for ALL of it ….I am so grateful.
So thank you Ann. This day nearly began on a down. All is Well.
Paula Williams was one of the first people I met through More To Life. I registered for the course in Knoxville in 2005 and Paula connected with me via e-mail to ensure my questions were answered and I was all set for the experience. I remember I was impressed that a law professor was involved–it lent immediate credibility to a program I didn’t know much about. And then last summer when I went to WOW, Paula was there again on team, calm, confident, and with a ready smile. We haven’t talked–really talked–other than briefly, but her essence, her presence, have been an amazing gift in my life. I hope she reads this, because I’d like her to know. Beautiful? Oh yes! YES!! In so many ways. Thanks Paula. ——– Marna