Facing Fear Head-on
Today I was on a skype call with 7 More To Life coaches from the UK. What a fascinating lot! I am inspired and re-inspired by the quality of these human beings – astute, loving, and exceptionally skillful.
One of the coaches is known as someone who is competent to the core. Knowing that, in reality, she cares a great deal about her coachees,
she pretended not to care That Much, in case she didn't do well and got
humiliated. Naturally the interaction didn't go as well as she wanted,
because she wasn't as engaged as she is normally. And her fear of
humiliation actualized. Next step – self forgiveness.
So I asked her, "What if you made the experience of being humiliated OK? What if you imagined yourself being humiliated, and then imagined what you would do when that happened?" It is a way of de-fang-ing fear. What makes fear so powerful is that it is often immobilizing, so we stay stuck in the negative imagination, not moving forward.
When Rebecca was about 3, I was paranoid about being a good mother. My friend Ann Barnett asked me
what my worst fear for Rebecca was. My worst fear was that she would end up selling her body for drugs. (I was a child of the 60s.) So Ann asked me what I would do if she did, indeed, end up that way. After letting go of some tears and fears, I realized I would love her, no matter what. And I wouldn't give her money for drugs. But I would love her and be available to her. Then I didn't worry about that one anymore. I was free of the immobilization of fear.
And here's one of my favorite pictures of how Rebecca turned out – naturally serene, loving, wise beyond her years – an amazing young woman. Yep, it was a pretty stupid fear.
Ann thank you, for reminding me of being aware of the immobilization of fear. I am struggling with this a little… OK everyday, myself. I have decided to join the U.S. Air Force as a RN. I am feeling both very excited and very scared about this decision, though I know it is the right choice for me and my family. I am excited about all the endless possibilities of: training, furthering my education, travel, adventure, raising a family overseas, humanitarian missions, serving our country, benefits and paying off some school loans… but scared about being overwhelmed where I work, not being a good nurse, being away from family during deployments, not liking my job and feeling stuck (for 6 years), not being able to lead, and failing at Commissioned Officer Training… just to mention a few!:)
Thanks Ann, for bringing to light how immobilizing these fears can become if I let them. Reminding me these fears are nearly all…”don’t knows”, some false, (except for the deployment one) 🙁 and some are mind talk. Surprise! They are all challenges I know I can face, and when times are hard or I don’t do as well as I thought I would… I know I will still be okay and it is worth it in the end. I know I love challenges and I love change… though these things can be scary if I let them be, it is so exciting at the same time! I can’t wait for our adventure to begin!