When Rebecca was about 10 years old, I told her I was going to a course over the weekend. She started to pout. I told her it was a course about parenting. She immediately brightened up and asked if I would tell her all the things I learned. I said I would. I did.

I learned a lot, actually. And there were two very powerful changes I made in my parenting after that weekend. The first change was my context for child-rearing. At a conceptual level, I knew that Rebecca was not MY CHILD, that she was her own being. Over the weekend, that concept integrated viscerally. I became grateful for the privilege of being entrusted with her transition from total dependence to interdependence – self aware enough to realize that she was fully responsible for the quality of her life, while realizing that she is undeniably engaged with other people and with the world in which she lives. Looking at my 'mothering' through that lens shifted how I saw her life lessons … how even the smallest of incidences (lifeshocks) could trigger an awareness for her, which could change her life.

The second visceral awareness I had was the embarrassing knowledge that all of the power struggles we had were initiated by me … by ME. Before the Effective Parenting Workshop, I absolutely knew that if Rebecca would just follow my guidance, do as she should, her life would be so much better – SO much better. Even though I knew cerebrally that "should" was a demand that assumed omniscience, I really believed that, in this case, I really did have the inside track of what was best for her. I loved her so much, how could I be wrong?

So the first insight led me to take advantage of those 18 years in which I would have the biggest influence in her life. It was up to me to be awake to her life lessons – I didn't need to 'do' anything, so much as be present to her and to her journey … HER journey, not the one I envisioned for her, as MY daughter.

The second insight stopped my power struggles – which was really good timing, as I had a couple of years of practice before her teenage years. As soon as I got crosswise with Rebecca, I used the Clearing Process from the More To Life Weekend, in order to straighten out my twisted thinking (which was invariably about Rebecca not doing what I thought she should/shouldn't do). Once I had myself clear of my omniscient thoughts, we could talk about the situation. And when she made decisions that I thought were not so healthy, she learned the hard way; just like I did. But enough of those hard lessons, learned early, make for an easier life later on. Saving her from those early hard lessons could have cost her more in the long run.

And there were times I made choices for her that I didn't think she was mature enough to make. OUR journey was about me learning which was which.

Bottom line, both Rebecca and I are grateful for those awarenesses and insights that I gained from that one short weekend. 

Priceless!

PS  The above picture was taken of me and Rebecca at the More To Life Masked Ball, October 2009.

PPS Effective Parenting – Houston, August 7 and 8 – for more info, call 713-838-1100.