Fingerpointing
I had cleared up my lies about this one person … many times. Obviously I was not getting to the root of my dis-ease, because I was still getting hooked back into the same old feelings with each new interaction.
Bottom line, he should ‘fess up to what he did, and he should make amends.” When I pushed on that a bit, a whole range of faces from my past popped up – from whom I have mentally demanded the exact same thing – “take responsibility for your behavior!!” (“Or else, I’ll withhold my compassion from you until you behave the way I think you should.”)
Intellectually I knew this was a projection from my inner world… unforgiving of myself for something I’d not yet owned up to. So began the search – where have I demanded that I own up and make amends? Hmmm. Well. THAT list was endless. Big stuff. Little stuff.
Thank you, Clare Vivian-Neal, for walking me through my anguish regarding all that was uncovered – resulting in the loss of my compassion for myself and everyone else. I found a deeper level of forgiveness with this phrase, “I was doing the best I knew how at the time.” Given each situation – my inexperience, trying to “be good/do the Right Thing” – not having the wisdom of hindsight, swamped in fear of some kind – “I was always doing the best I could at the time.”
And so is everybody else. Compassion restored – home first, then outwardly to him and others, then more outwardly to everyone everywhere. Ahhhhhhh!
Brilliant xx
Thank you Sally.
Thank you, Ann. I feel the breathe as your share reminds me of my up tight ness, and the possibility of breathe and open heartedness a mind-thought-alternative/ breathe away. Merry Christmas to you, Fine Woman, and thank you for your gifts into the world of which i am a grateful part.
Thank you, Andrew. Yes, it’s all a breath away …. and may your holidays be warm to your heart and bright to your spirit.
Anne – thank you, and thank you again. For your path-breaking, light-throwing, ever-open-hearted leadership. For your constant pushing against the soft parts and coming up with jewels, on behalf of yourself and the rest of us. I confess to all the times I’ve read your posts and not offered you the immense gratitude and love I felt. You’ve fed me and all the rest of us for all the years since you started your wonderful blog. You remind me to return to compassion and truth and I thank you for it, always.
WOW, Maggi! Thank you … sometimes when I write a post close to my heart, I pretend no one will read it, but I still feel a bit of anxiety at the exposure. And then I get such a confirming email from YOU. I appreciate your letting me know this has been of value to you. THAT matters to me. I wanted this blog to be real, relevant, and supportive of MTL grads and everybody else in the world who is curious about their inner life and the impact that has on their outer life. Thank you, again! am
What great, if painful, work, dear Ann. That demand that we and others be perfect, and take responsibility/fess up/make amends when we don’t, is a trickster. Thanks for shining a light on the crafty devil! I love your courage and willingness to not only do your own work, but share it with us, that we might benefit from it. And we do.
Thank you, Susan. My response to Maggi is also to you and Jen and Andrew. I appreciate knowing this is making a difference, not just to me, but to others as well.
Thank you, Ann, once again for writing what I needed to read … one more time. So glad you keep writing this blog. Love you … happy holidays!
You’ve been instrumental in creating this blog … with your support, your magnificent editing, especially in the first year. Thank you for your encouragement, support, and along-side-ness. Wishing you every sacred wish for your life – especially during the Holidays!
Thank yo Ann. Brought tears to my eyes.Just a few words, an example, to the point and resonating.
XX
Your most welcome, Antony. Thank you for understanding with such depth. I appreciate you!
Ann, I’m very grateful for all you share here.
My head nodded as I read others’ comments, and my tears rolled with Maggi’s words–she managed to speak for my heart too.
This post was particularly timely and inspiring to me.
Your doing this work–here and now–and sharing it so openly with us brings me a deeper, more palpable kind of hope.
It’s the difference between watching a mentor/teacher/trainer way down the road ahead of you through binoculars versus seeing the human being
right in front of you–who is still the mentor/teacher/trainer–but here, with us, still learning, still breaking through, still on the journey–
tears, snot, shaky legs . . . and light shining through it all. Thank you.
Thank YOU, Cecillia … I appreciate your share. It makes a difference to me to know that my posts make a difference. And yes, truly, we are all in this together!