Addictions – Part 1

When I am surrounded, as it seems I am, with people with issues (go figure), I have learned to look for that same issue within myself. The general issue that seems to be dogging my steps these days is addiction – all sorts of addictions – from panic attacks to sadness to threatening postures to good-little-girl/boy to enlightened-one, to judgmentalness, to hiding out, to internet addiction, etc.  All of which, in one form or another, are as addictive as crack (cocaine).

These kinds of dramatic behaviors aren't normally considered to be addictions. However, in looking at the definition of "addict" – the dictionary defines it as an "enthusiastic devotee of a specific thing or activity,"
and I would add "or behavior." I doubt "enthusiastic" would normally apply in the instances cited above, unless the adverb "unconsciously" is also a descriptor of "enthusiastic." Bottom line, I have lost control of my life in that arena, and now my addiction manages my
decision-making power. That sector of my life revolves around the behavior I am addicted
to. That, my friends, would describe a lot of my unwanted behaviors – my general addiction to resistance (to Life As It Is), and specifically, my current resistance to exercise.

I'll be really good, even happy about exercising … for 3 or 4 days, maybe a week … then, without my conscious permission, against my inner wisdom, and founded on a bedrock of interlacing lies and half-truths, I succumb to my well-worn rut of resistance. Overall I have made a lot of progress on this automatic behavior, and I am looking for the tipping point on this one – the point in time when this particular addiction succumbs to the power of surrender – my surrender to Reality. 

In a previous post, the difference between giving up and surrendering was clarified. In this instance, I also mean surrendering to the quality of health I want for my body – not my self-indulgent cravings, but my heart-of-heart's longings.

Truthfully, I want to be in control of my own life, all parts of my life – to live as a Spiritual Warrior (a theme of the More To Life program), and this is my battle today.