Speaking Up – Part 4
Another issue is not speaking up until I know for sure what the issue is and how to explain it clearly. I have thought that I needed to have all the pieces to the puzzle in place, first.
Deborah Clark-Birdwell (aka Deborah Zanowiak back in the '80s) disabused me of that notion in a trainer meeting (she was a Trainer Associate for the More To Life program during that time). She stood up suddenly, looked around at all of us, threw her hands out from her side, and said, "Something's not right. I don't know what it is, but something's not right!"
I was stunned … on several levels. Because she was a newbie in the trainerbody, I expected she would have been more on the observant-only side. (What a silly notion that was!) She spoke up when she didn't know what the problem was. She admitted her ignorance … in front of her peers. She didn't have an answer to the problem. And worst of all, she was spot on!
That moment was like lightning cracking something open. I don't have to know what the problem is. If I speak up about the problem, we can start sorting it out much more efficaciously. When something is 'off,' I generally have visceral indications – tightening of my jaw, gut or sphincter muscle, tidal breathing or held breath. Then it can take awhile for the reality of the moment to bubble to the surface of my consciousness, before I can put words around my experience. However, I don't have to wait for the completion of that journey from body to head. I can speak up as soon as my body knows something is 'off.' Often the problem is simply a lack of information – just that.
Deborah's outburst shocked my expectations and broke the spell my own mind had cast over me – I don't have to wait for my head to figure it all out before I speak up.
Thank you, Deborah!
PS I didn't even know my mind had cast that spell .. not until Deborah spoke up.
Have you been perched on my shoulder for years? Speaking Up 3 and 4 are so ‘right on’ in my experience! What wisdom you impart. Thank you for waking me up with your clear expression of my life….up ’til now….
Debbie Clark used to be my boss. She taught me more about integrity, grace under fire, being tough, gracious, forgiving, faith in self, giving, being unafraid to speak up, and many more life lessons, than possibly any other influence in my life. Debbie’s staff would have walked through fire for her, and that’s not the sort of thing they can teach you in college. I miss her still, even after not working for her for nearly ten years.