Pre-course Jitters

You would think I would be over this kind of nervous excitement by now. I've been leading public and corporate workshops, courses, trainings, public talks, radio and TV shows since 1978 – that's, let see, yep, over 30 years! Now what kind of a person would Still be anxious about doing that kind of thing, after that long a time? That would be me!

At least I am no longer having violent bursts of diarrhea like in the old days. And, I still have the butterflies in the stomach, jittery energy that is always present before being in front of people, about something that matters to me. If I am not in front, I am only excited. If it's not about something that matters that much to me (sharing about a new movie, etc.), I'm neither nervous nor excited.

When I've tracked down the cause of this jittery energy, it's always been caused by my mindtalk – which has two different interpretations of the same event. The interpretation causing the nervousness is generally some predication about how this is the time I'm going to 'blow it' – big time blow it, ruin everything for everybody, eventually leading to the demise of the entire More To Life program. (OK, so it's 
a bit narcissistic to think one person could do that much damage to a worldwide program! But there it is.)

The other interpretation is the excitement that comes from doing something I love – awakening people to their true nobility. It has little to do with me at a personal level, it has everything to do with the magic of synergy – trainers, team, trainees – all participants in a process that changes us all, eventually impacting those we know and love, and ultimately affecting cosmic energy.

We are that powerful. The process of evolving in that way is that important and that sacred. So, yes – this matters to me. It's an opportunity to have faith in myself, that I will bring my best to each moment; that those with whom I interact will bring their best; and that somehow, in the experience of telling the truth about what is Real, everything changes.

PS Oh, yeah – change is an anathema to my reactive mind. It demands predictability, believing it will ensure my safety. And all predictability really ensures is my boredom/existential death. So each time I step out into the unknown, I risk death (according to my reactive mind). When really, stepping out into the unknown liberates my curiosity, turns my senses on high, and creates aliveness. Just that.

PPS Starting this evening, Warren Kahn and I are co-leading the first pilot Pay It Forward More To Life Weekend in Minneapolis, MN. There are 108 people registered for this course. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.