me vs G-D

There have been times in my life … many times, actually … when I
have thought, "If I were G-D, the world wouldn’t have so many yucky
things happening.  I would be much more benevolent than G-D, much more loving,
everybody would be happier (especially me). People would be kind to
each other, life would be harmonious for all – and all the time…" These are the
generalities.  The specifics …my sister wouldn’t have died at such a
young age. My parents would have stayed married. My own marriage
wouldn’t have broken up. And on it goes. Those issues have been
settled for quite some time.

However, at The Pearl (one of the advanced
courses in the More to Life Program)
last year, I uncovered a rage against G-D that had been buried for
quite a few years – not just anger, but rage. The general rage was the
inhumanity of human beings, the specific rage was about a nine-month
old baby girl who was gang raped to death. I couldn’t get the newspaper
picture of that happy 9-month-old little girl, that precious vessel of
life, out of my head. Her smiling eyes and face beneath that blazing 2-inch headline stuck in my mind.  And a part of me closed down. If G-D
could allow something as heinous as that, then I wanted no part of G-D.
That line had been drawn before, and it was drawn again, this time for good.

Well, had you seen my life from the outside, you would never have guessed that was going on inside. I was not even clued in to the extent of my outrage, and supposedly, I know myself very well, especially at this time of my life. Not knowing what would happen, but knowing that something would, ‘cuz it always does in these courses, I unknowingly carried my hardened heart and my sealed-off tears to California for healing at The Pearl …The Pearl of Great Price – Me!

It didn’t take long; in fact, I think it was the first day, I don’t even remember what the actual question was, probably something about unforgiving. Whatever the question was, that headline with that baby girl’s face popped in front of me, and all my pent-up rage and grief and horror and tears boiled out of me in a gush, leaving me feeling limp, wet, drained and clean.

Richard Perry and Sue Oldham, the trainers for this course, led me through my maze of demands and accusations to the Truth. That baby girl was still dead. I didn’t want her to die that way. I don’t want anyone to have that kind of experience. I have no idea what could have triggered grown men to commit such an act on a defenseless baby, nor do I know what they carry around in their heads and hearts as a result of their actions. I know I wouldn’t want that burden. I do not understand the Big Picture, karma, the Grand Scheme of Things, the Mind of G-D, nor can I ever understand from such a finite viewpoint. I get it. It wasn’t G-D that did that.

I’ve worked with enough inmates in medium-high and high security prisons to know that they went against their spirit to do the things they did. I even felt compassion for what it must be like to be inside the skin of those rapists, and even if they felt no remorse, my compassion is even greater – for how lost must they be not to feel remorse? Would I want them around my daughter or granddaughter?  No! I can and will draw boundaries appropriate to reality – the reality of the sanctity of their spirits and the reality of their lack of respect for the sanctity of the spirits of others – or at least their unreliability to maintain that respect.  And I will not imprison myself behind my own wall of rage – my disrespect for the sacredness of their beings. My inhumanity towards them was still inhumanity – adding my own inhumanity to their inhumanity and growing ‘inhumanity’ in the world! Whoa! That is NOT how I want to play my part in the world.

What if we – all of us – grew ‘humanity’ in the world? What if we started being humane with ourselves, with our families (especially with our children, especially when they are acting out), with our friends  (even when we "know" they are making a mistake) … how about with our leaders, politicians, etc.?  Bottom line, when we are inhumane in any area of our life, we are adding to the inhumanity in the world.  Every time we act humanely, we bring more heaven on earth. It’s time.

PS  I don’t know why I spelled God as G-D. It just seemed ‘right.’

PPS And by "G-D", I mean Life, Universal Light, the Omniscient ONE, Reality, The Force, Allah, whatever THAT is that is the Creator Energy – call it what you like. I grew up calling it God.