Addictions – Part 3 – How they get started
In my heart of hearts, I know that any addiction that diminishes me (or anyone else) in any way is unhealthy and enslaving, robbing myself of my precious freedom of choice. So why not just get rid of it? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that *I* keep it alive in some way. No one's keeping me from exercising, or forcing me to continue my addition. I'm the one that feeds my addiction with repetition, instead of feeding my power of conscious choice.
Besides the neurophysiology of chemical addiction, which is lethal enough on its own, there is another dirty little maneuver of the reactive mind that starts the addictive behavior in the first place. I suspect it was born around the age of 2, and it sounds like this, "I want what I want, when I want it." And I'll do whatever it takes to satisfy my current 'need' – as instantaneously as possible.
When I'm happy and on course with my life, addictive behavior is not an issue – or at least, it's a smaller
issue, on which I have a handle. When I'm angry/bored/resentful/sad/scared, that's when my Spoiled Brat sneaks defiantly into the limelight, and then I get to do whatever I want. I'm justified – it's My Turn, or Now It's Time to Take Care of Myself! Short term gratification – sloth, sugar, alcohol, drugs, rage, depression – the cycle of which, over time, becomes more and more ingrained as normal – a slow erosion of trust in my own backbone, my own will power.
The corollary: when I get tired of being 'good,' all I have to do is find something to be angry/bored/resentful/sad/scared about (which hardly takes any effort at all), and the Spoiled Brat is turned loose to do whatever she wants. Spoiled Brats only worsen with age, unless or until, something starts mattering more than instant gratification; and serving others or the Big Picture assumes ascendancy over self indulgence/self destruction.
It's a battle worthy of a Spiritual Warrior's engagement. In the long run, I'm stronger for it.
Ann – I dearly love your posts. I have noticed that since I began reading them, my ability to notice self-behavior is more acute. I love those occasions when I can choose before a reaction. Lead on!
Hahahaha! The famous little thumbsuck gesture! Love it, and love your blog…
Ann,
I love reading your blogs. Thanks they are uplifting.
I look at addictions as all life taking. I look at all addictions as death seakers. I take each of them seriously. It is one thing to keep a committment for 3 days at a weekend of M2L but to keep one for 27 years is a whole other story. I recall Roy Whitten a Trainer for the M2L program committing to quit drinking but he was drinking that beer with %.05 percent Alcohol, non alchoholic beer that still has it in it. I confronted him with it and he pointed out that I was being trivial and had a trivial drama. Would I suggest to a meth addict that it was ok to take .05% meth.
Addictions are death seakers. Of course I was not strong enough at that point in my life to point this out to him. I just said Roy is a trainer and I need to look at my drama, who am I to support him.
My experience is to break any addiction it takes daily support for at least 90 days. I am sober 27 years without even a %05 trivial near beer.
I know you can be addicted to a program or church or 12 step program. It is all you talk about. It is all you believe in. When you have a party the only people there are your program people or church people. You want more people to come into your belief system yet if you have a party the only people there are your program people. I call it being stuck in a bubble. Addicted to your bubble. A belief system that says you have the way. I know M2L has attempted to avoid this but….
I went to Richard Perry’s (one of the M2L leaders) birthday party and the only people besides one and that was a husband of one grad were M2L people. While I was there the one of the things I thought about was when ever I went to a M2L party before if somebody was not enrolled then I would start the process. I didn’t do it to this poor man this time because I am sure he got a mouthful from somebody.
I would say Richard was addicted. It looks like a cult. I know it wasn’t a cult but…..Who am I to support Richard Perry. I tried already and he said he is fine with the way it is. Yet at his party he said he was having the most difficult time of his life and needed to get to WOW (one of the M2L classes offered) to help with his difficult time. Sounded like an addiction to me.
I went to a friends party once and he belonged to 3 different groups of people. He had his religious belief people there. He had his friends there and he had his work and play there. He didn’t look like he was addicted to one group, nor at the party was anybody trying to enroll me into their thing.
I am so grateful Peggy Jarritt(another leader of the M2L) kicked me out of M2L group. It opened me up to church and sent me back to a 12 step support system and on to different programs, that were willing to support me when Death Eaters were knocking at my door. It also made me look at how I got hooked into a bubble the bubble of M2L. It also has opened me up to other programs and workshops and ways.
If you come to my party you will not just see M2L people, 10 years ago that is all you would see. I would say I was addicted to M2L.
I would support Richard but he is like most trainers, the snake is way too tricky. It is a death seaker. Maybe you might be addicted to M2L also or some other group. If you were to have a party would your exercise friends come Your church people or would the only thing I see is your program people.
Just something to think about.
I used to ask myself how could it be bad for me to be addicted to this. Pot was like that for me. How could this be bad it makes me feel so good. How could M2L be bad it makes me feel so good. How could Booze be bad it makes me feel so good. How could exercise be bad it makes me feel so good. How could cigeretts be bad it makes me feel so good. How could making people wrong be bad it make me feel so good. How could being poor be bad I feel so good and above others and righteous. How could AA be bad it feels so good… and the list goes on……
I want to watch out for FEEL GOOD (things I really like) things and programs….They are very tricky….. They seem to all have a kick back to them. They can litterly suck the life out of me.
If I really want more to Life I want to watch for feel good things and notice if I am addicted to them.
There is nothing wrong with feel good things but they really can be tricky and takes a keen mind to see and break them if I become addicted to them. I have found out that a 3 day weekend or a 30 day addiction clinic, may be the door but it takes much much much more then that. I think in order to get more into life I need to get into it. Explore other programs. Don’t get stuck into thinking your group is it. The most important element is Support!
I know this M2L is how Ann makes a living so comments like this may not be so welcoming, then again I don’t know.
I know when I get support for any addiction, I don’t always like it and I deny it at first, because I really don’t want to let it go. I want what I want when I want it.
William Pilch
A former Addiction Specialist Counselor.