2013-2014
Yesterday on the freeway, I was trying to stay out of the way of the back end of a many-car funeral procession. When I broke free of the strict line the motorcycle cops were keeping, I felt more ease as the freeway opened up. Then I spied the hearse. Tears started rolling – tears from nowhere – deep, ancient tears. Part of me was shocked at such immediate and heart-breaking sadness, while the rest of me kept mourning, letting go of more and more tears.
Once the first wave of weeping was over, I looked for what had fueled such an unexpected reaction. Oh, yeah – I've been in that car following the hearse – for my sister, mother, dad, and others. And then it hit me. Yesterday, in a mortgage company, signing a foot-high stack of papers, I committed to living with my daughter, son-in-law, and 2 grandchildren. It's a change in our lives that we have planned and finally achieved. I want this change. And it requires letting go of HOW IT HAS BEEN, THE DEATH OF MY LIFE AS IT WAS. When that realization hit, the second wave of grief began.
I've often advised people I've coached or counseled or who have just finished the More To Life Weekend that there might be a sense of sadness about letting go of self-defeating patterns of behavior (or toxic relationships) – even a negative loss is a loss and often requires grieving.
So officially, I am letting go of 2013 and all that WAS – the good, the bad, the ugly. And now I'm letting in HOW IT IS today – unpacking the jillion boxes in the new house – our beautiful, spacious new home.
Good one, Ann. You planned that move well — starting it on the first day of 2014.
I know that sadness and letting go. It was my process last year… and I howled from my belly at some point! Thank you once again for sharing your journey with us. I look forward to more and more. This is the way it should be Ann, families living with their families being together – UBUNTU.
I find this as I journey here with my parents, there was a reason that their little cottage became available the moment I was moving out and didn’t know where I was going. Learning more patience, more about space sharing, more about not taking it personally! And grateful all the time, to that synchronistic ally time perfect God working moment in time. xx
Ann: This post rang so true for me. Tom and I are in the midst of deciding where we will settle down(probably our last move) and I’m having such a hard time with the decision. Your post regarding RAS really helped. I will sit quietly with myself and let my body connect with my brain, heart and feelings. I’m interested to see what comes forward.
Your move will be my touchstone.
Much love,
Robbie