Taking in Acknowledgment – A Hidden Agenda

My mind has created a sneak attack on my willingness to take in acknowledgment. This was also one Shelagh and I share in common.

If I take in acknowledgment, that means people will expect me to continue doing what I was doing, or raise the bar on me, knowing that I can produce that result. I was the International Coordinator for the Breakthrough Lifegame – 400+ participants from all over the world, participating in an experience via the internet (Feb – May 2000). I remember receiving a personal letter of recognition for what was achieved by the lifegame from Brad and Roy, glancing at it, then stuffing it in a file folder.

It had been an intense 4 months, and I didn't think I had it in me to do another lifegame. In my mind, I was ducking the limelight, hoping not to be noticed, so I wouldn't be asked to play big again. In the limelight, I'm more visible and so are any of my incongruent behaviors. Being visible means getting feedback, not all of which is easy to hear. So if I don't take in the acknowledgment, I don't have to admit I did it, and I can gloss over it. That way, I can hide out, play small and be more self-indulgent without getting caught. It's just 'easier' when nobody is looking at me – the road most traveled.

But hey, after awhile, it's just boring!