Resentment, Letting It Go
The ego will object strenuously to the whole notion of asking for forgiveness, citing the loss of face/power/rightness/superiority and the fear of being exposed as less than/weak/bad. Then there is the fear that what I have assumed was right(eous), really isn't … which calls into question my whole life. What else am I believing is right(eous), but isn't.
The resentment game is fundamentally flawed, as I am the one that is spiritually sick. That can be a shattering blow to the ego, which scrambles to its own defense by insinuating that I am essentially unforgiveable anyway, so I might as well save as much face as possible by becoming even more entrenched in my rightness and your wrongness. That resolve is supposed to make me feel better, but it actually isolates me, hardens my heart, and leaves me aching. I'm even sensitive to the subtle withdrawal of others who are put off by my brittleness and negativity.
So how do I get back in right relationship? It requires being vulnerable, telling the truth. It requires
petitioning their forgiveness for my diminishment of their value to me personally and generally. It requires entreating them to forgive my transgressions, power plays, attempts to control them one way or another.It means stopping pretending that *I KNOW* how everyone and everything should be. And most humbling of all, to ask for forgiveness for whatever I thought and did that was anomalous to the best in myself.
It is totally mortifying for the ego, healing balm for the spirit.
Cool quote. Wanna share it 🙂
After reading this I took a breath and noticed what had happened. Noticed I
was calmer, more tender, more loving, more still within myself. Now I can take that out there – not knowing. Always a gift from you.
So good.
Ugh, I’m right in the middle of a big resentment and I really want to hold on to it, except I don’t. I know the cost of all of this. Thank you Ann for the reminder of the cost. I will do my work and find my way. I know what is on the other side of asking for and offering forgiveness, however, right now, right at this very moment, I’m still hanging on. Robbie
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