Put on your own oxygen mask first.

When I first heard the spiel from the airline steward about putting on your own oxygen mask first, before you help others (including your own children), I was shocked. "What kind of a mother would I be, if I took care of my own needs first? Well I can tell you, not a good one, that's for sure." The accusations continue. "Mothers who would put on their own oxygen mask first are uncaring, selfish, and don't deserve their children. That's what!"

My self-righteousness had kicked into high gear – instantaneously. Looking around the airplane, nobody else seemed bothered at all by the airlines' outrageous instruction. All this knee-jerk reaction took about 30 seconds or a minute. Ok, maybe more.

A couple of exhales later, I realized that, if I don't put on my oxygen mask first, then I am less capable of helping others, including my children. In fact, I could end up being "a problem," instead of being a part of the solution – requiring attention, instead of caring for others. So what I had previously thought of as "selfish and uncaring," I could now see was actually the more selfless and caring thing to do in the Bigger Scheme of Things.

This example came to mind when talking to a friend of mine who has a big heart, loves people, and neglects herself – not intentionally, but nevertheless, it's a regular occurrence. She's often taken advantage of, then, over time feels resentful of being taken for granted. When she's had enough of that, she has a short period of indulging herself, then quickly feels guilty about that, so makes up for her self indulgence by indulging others, and the cycle starts all over again. And, No, this is not about me, or you, it's about all those 'others.'

I reminded her of the oxygen mask on airplanes, and how important it is to have your own breath first, in order to keep from being a liability to everyone else. Similarly, it is also crucial to tend to her own health/attitude/needs (the heart/spiritual needs, not the self-indulgent needs), before she starts supporting others – ensure her own quality of life before assisting others in their quality of life.

Personally, I know that when I am hungry/tired/upset, I am a different mom/sister/friend than when I am fed/rested/in right relationship with myself. Since I want to be a force for good in the world, then it behooves me to put on my own oxygen mask first. What if everyone on the plane (in the world) put on their own oxygen mask (took responsibility for the quality of their own lives)?!