Feminine DNA – Responsible for the Quality of Relationships
It was a total surprise to me to read an article by the Siri Singh Saab, spiritual leader of the American Sikhs, in which he declared that women start relationships, determine the quality of relationships and end relationships. (The picture to the left is not an actual picture of the Siri Singh Saab, but of a Sikh.)
There was more, but it started me thinking about that. And in retrospect, yes, my relationships were indeed initiated by me, even if the guy thought otherwise – I did what I could to get noticed by the one I wanted to notice me. And when I was complete with the relationship, it was as good as over.
The middle part – being responsible for the quality and depth of the relationship – hmmmm, a bit more difficult to own. However, looking back at the level of my awareness in my relationship-journey, yes, there it is again. For the most part, when I’ve wanted a relationship to be significant, it has been. When I considered it to be a ‘filler’ relationship, it was.
When I've worked with couples, by and large, women are the ones who set the tone for the relationship, including the ones where the woman is abused. When she made a change, the relationship changed – either the quality of one she was in or the relationship itself ended. Same for those relationships that were healthy. Women determined (either consciously or unconsciously) whether the relationship was affectionate, dramatic, career-oriented, family-oriented, etc.
If that is so, and it appears to be, relationships are expanding or limiting, depending upon the woman's inclination/personality/intentionality … which means women need to stop griping about the quality of their relationships and start creating it the way they want.
What do you think?
Yeah, I’ve known this for years, though like you said, it’s still hard to own. But when I don’t own it, it’s also hard to change, to stop being the “victim”, to believe I can have what I really want rather than what I’ve had before.
What you’re saying doesn’t depower men, but it does empower women. Kinda like the Marianne Williamson quote misattributed to Nelson Mandela: Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure, etc.
Love,
Jen
wow…I’m still struggling with that middle part of a relationship that did not work out, now the hard part is owning my misses and lack of being willing to create the relationship because I did not want to take responsibility for myself nor my life. Today I am so grateful for the MTL processes which I’m using to take responsibility for myself and my life and create the relationships I want with myself and others
Hi Ann, it was very lovely having time with you last week, thank you for being willing to spend time with me. Just a reminder to send through some titles for the Life/Public Talk. Many thanks and looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks.
Much love and care
Roz Archbold