Faithing

Faith is a noun, which Webster’s defines as unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence.  Taking a bit of liberty with the English language in order to launch this noun into a present tense action verb, faithing is acting with an unquestioning belief in oneself, in humanity, and in the
‘for-ness’ of the universe that does not require guarantees or
assurances. I submit to you the epitome of the current day spiritual warrior is one who is "faithing" – purposeful, real, engage-able, not naive, but discerning, with a lot of innate curiosity and the courage to speak the Truth, especially when it is different from what everyone else thinks/believes.

An example of moving from faithless to faithing:
To this day, even after 30+ years of teaching and public speaking, about 30 minutes before I begin a new training or any speech, my stomach clenches, my throat tightens, my mind is drunk with the ‘what if’s", and I am out of touch with all the data pouring into my senses.  I’d rather be anywhere other than where I am at that moment – and in fact, I am – I am disconnected from the Real Reality of where I am at that precise moment, and instead, I am entranced in a different reality – the one locked inside my head.  The reality inside my head is a very scary place – demanding perfection, threatening catastrophe, accusing me of very familiar sounding character flaws – fatal flaws.  Bottom line, my mindtalk is Way louder than the reality being fed to me through my senses.  Granted, at this point in my life, I no longer have diarrhea and nausea like in the old days, but the remnants are still there, flaring up more forcefully occasionally. 

Well, obviously, the above is when I am not faithing.  A few years ago, I was giving a public talk for the More to Life Program in Capetown, South Africa, about 90 people in attendance.  I was in my usual pre-talk jitters, when someone came up to me, started rearranging my mic as if it were on a manikin instead of a live being; then someone else came up and said, "oh, the audio system isn’t working, you’ll have to do this without your mic; and then someone else came up and said, "I don’t know you, I’m supposed to introduce you, can you give me your bio, we have 2 minutes!"   WHEW!  I felt lost and fragmented.  I had 2 minutes to get myself honed to the task.  The task mattered to me.  So I shooed everyone away from me, sat down, took some conscious breaths and wrote in my journal, "My name is Ann McMaster. I know who I am. I know what I am doing. I know what my purpose is for these people this evening. I can do this. I have done many public talks.  I don’t know how this evening will turn out, but however it goes, I am in for the ride." Then I turned to the audio person, who said, "we got it fixed."  I turned to the person who was introducing me and said, "just go with what you have downloaded from the website, it’ll be fine."  And it was, and I was, and the evening was.  I am so thankful for that particular experience, because it taught me about faithing. 

Before the onslaught of so many distractions, I was not trusting myself, the group, or the outcome of the evening.  I was internally demanding that the outcome for the evening match the picture of success in my head.  (The louder the fear that I won’t meet my internal demand for success, the more ‘jitter’ I experience.)  Bottom line, I was giving more "worth" to my version of how it "should be" (my self-serving version of the world) than I was to the experience of bringing myself fully to the people in that room and serving my higher purpose.  Another way to say it is that I was "worthshipping" my personal world-view – of which Reality/God/Universal Light takes a rather dim view. (more later about my on-going battle with God)

Because of the onslaught of so many distractions, plus the impending deadline, and because my higher purpose for the evening really mattered to me, I was catapulted into focusing on both the task in front of me and the state of my being.  I needed to get back to Reality … and quickly.  Truth will do that every time, not the beliefs/opinions inside my head, but the Real Truths.  Writing Truths down in my journal was very grounding.

After I was back ‘home’ again, settled into my awakeness, the rest of the evening was an experience of delight.  Faithing – being real, being alongside others, being present to the moment and to The Moment.  It was a very rich evening, more than what my mind had originally envisaged.

So I am practicing faithing.  I have a purpose, a vision, a plan – then, knowing that I don’t know how ‘IT" should be, I put myself in the arena, play my part artfully, enjoy fully, and grow mySelf in the process …living Life as IT IS!   And even when I shy away from the arena, play my part awkwardly, don’t like what’s happening, try to manipulate the exterior world so that I get what I think I need and try to ensure that I don’t get what I don’t want – it’s still part of the process of growing mySelf. Every time I am faithless, doubting myself, mistrusting humankind in general, ignoring the Big Picture, it either builds to a critical mass shift wherein I am faithing once again, and it is more integrated this time around; or I become even more positioned in my faithlessness (which, in the bigger picture, still serves – even if it is as a warning to others).  As the sages have always said, in the Big Picture, it ALL works.  And I get to choose, consciously choose, which path I will walk.