Complaining
A whole plane-load of people were standing in line, waiting to go through Customs in Johannesburg. The line for Africans was short and quickly cleared, so a floor manager moved a lot of us non-Africans over to the African line. Smart, I thought. The woman behind me started making derisive comments about "the way they do things here." She had not one good thing to say about Africa. She kept looking for agreement from me. When she didn't get it, she enrolled others; who seemed happy to collude with her about how awful everything was. (Mentally, I was complaining about her complaining.)
A few years ago, I was unpacking my suitcase, chatting with Sue Oldham, my roommate for the week – at an advanced course of the More To Life program. After about 20 or 30 minutes, she said, "You sure are complaining a lot." I was shocked. Me? Complain? Hmmmm.
I reviewed my conversation, and sure enough, I was complaining about one thing after another. WOW. I hadn't noticed that I had created a habit of complaining. I didn't really feel disgruntled in any way. It was as if I were my own body-snatcher – replacing mySELF with this 'complainer.'
That came to a screeching halt. I decided to choose an attitude that was more in alignment with who I am, when I'm at my best. so I chose to be grateful – about 10 things a day – recording them in my journal. I decided to write about 5 qualities I exhibited that day for which I was grateful, and 5 lifeshocks/events for which I was grateful (starting with Sue's comment).
The more grateful I am for who I am, the more I behave accordingly. The more grateful I am for the things that happen, the more faithful I become. Yes, that's more like it … more like me, really.
PS This recording of gratitude has become a regular way of righting my world.
Thanks for the reminder, for a while every night I would write 3 things I’m noticing and grateful for that occured that day, and what I believed about myself and my feelings for each one. Doing this exercise daily has helped me to be more grounded and intouch with myself. I’ve fallen out of doing this the past 2 weeks and now choose to recommit to doing my gratitude list.
Learning to do this came out of life coaching with Leslie Perkowski what an awe inspiring and awesome experience and one I plan on continuing with down the road
Dearest Ann,
this is the first day I have taken time to read and enjoy your blog and savour its delicious riches. I knew about it, it has been spoken about by many! Thank you for it, from my heart – especially the spiritual warrior (both applications). I reckon I read Dan Millman in the ’80s too (though wish I’d heard about the program earlier than the ’90s – it’s too well kept a secret!!)
‘Complaints’ also took me back to a time Sue asked me if I realised I had a competence drama. We were running one of the first MTLWs in Scotland and I was “doing” even more than usual. Me? A competence drama? Surely not!!! Yet there I was, not only with major evidence that my mind was telling me to do-prove do-prove do-prove (and Do It Right – Big Prove!) but making sure I was self-effacing, to prove her ‘wrong’. Ha ha.
Funny how the mind gets scared of old phantoms, when life NOW is so infinitely more fascinating. Today your blog, for instance, with your electrical story of your connection with another species… Last night, a local coaching dialogue about new compassionate behaviours created BECAUSE of the economic downturn. Last night too, news that our friend was not in the helicopter crash a few miles off-shore. Gratefulness. Tears because others lost their loved ones. Today a new client I will see as a MTL professional coach. And now the antics of some beautiful rose-breasted chaffinches at the bird feeder and bird-bath. Life in its variety offering more each moment, when I truly look.
Thank you for awakening me today,
Frances x