Being Tested
I'm in the middle of being tested. It's requiring me to distill yet again what I believe, what matters to me, and who I am, really who I am.
Who am I at my core? Who am I in relation to those around me. Who am I in this moment of time/space, this exact situation?
I've given my word to two different groups who see things differently – some of whom are directly opposed. So now I am wading through an ethical issue that is demanding an answer to all three of the above questions.
When was I talking about integrity? Oh, yeah, yesterday! Karma is fast these days!
Interesting! I imagine there are LOTS of folks going through this right now, not just Obama et al. I imagine that he and his cabinet will be asking those same questions among themselves, but especially he, of himself.
I feel so hopeful with people like you voicing your wrestling matches with these issues. You shine a light on the process for the rest of us, making it sound not only doable but the responsible way to be in this world.
I know about being tested – As I am currently asking myself – am I strong enough in who I am? To to stand alone without others to approve me? Without others to validate my worth as a human being – or will I cave – give into what others say I am and one more time leave myself out? Will I buy into others judgements and accusations? Or will I claim my own life and my own personal authority?
Being tested – I hear this with the emphasis on ‘being’. In the last several months, my ‘being’ has been given many tests/opportunities to take a stand for herself and her personal authority/integrity. Each test is a call to be fully present in the moment, just as it is and I am, each time with knees a little less shaky. I have noticed that when I don’t process my feelings, I live faster than the speed of life, and thus deny myself the opportunity to be present as I am, beholding myself and those around me.
Thank you for guiding me through the beholding process as it has provided me with an incredible way to ‘be’ with myself and others, in my integrity, feeling my way.