Speaking Up – Part 1

A friend and I were exploring her pattern of getting on her back for speaking up, especially if it caused a scene or didn't turn out the way she planned. At a recent meeting, she asked a question about a group decision – it was just a question. However, someone else in the group turned her question into a power struggle. From my point of view, that was all OK, as it flushed out an issue that was contaminating the group dynamics, and we could start the healing process. However, from my friend's point of view, she had caused a ruckus, and she should have kept her mouth shut … a refrain she hears frequently in her head. A refrain that has governed her behavior for years.

In my late 20s, I was taking classes from the Jung Center, and I distinctly remember writing on one of the questionnaires that "I wished I would keep my mouth shut." Then I spent a couple of decades learning to say what I meant. Now I'm riding the edge of discerning when it's best to keep my mouth shut, and when it's best if I speak up.

Tricky. No formula for when to speak up and when not. When do people need to fail in the short term, in order not to fail in the long term? When is it appropriate to speak up? And when does speaking up dis-empower others? So far, I'm learning this by the seat of my pants, or the whispers in my heart.