In the Zone
A few weeks ago, Chase was on his fourth day of a bronchial infection, coughing often – coughing so hard, he would gag; and if he had recently eaten, he would throw up everything. It's so very hard to see such a little body struggling for breath.
Rebecca was out of town on an important business trip, Troy had a business dinner, and I had already agreed to be there in support. Chase himself was worn out, unable to get good rest because of the incessant coughing. I imagined that, if I could keep Chase upright, he would be better able to get some good sleep. I decided that I would hold him on my chest, all night, rocking him in this great little glider in his room. I countered my own resolve with a question mark about my real ability to do that.
I realized I wouldn't know unless I went for it. So I sat in the glider and rocked. After awhile, I rested my head against the back of the glider, and something eased into place. Oh, yes, I can do this. In fact, I felt the serenity of a heart-felt peace, and my life slid into this moment, and then the next. It seemed as if I could do this forever. I was reluctant for the night to end. I feel an even deeper bond with him than before. And Chase did seem less tired and less cranky the next day.
I like being in the zone.
PS The picture above is a recent one of Hayleigh and Chase, before he got this infection. You can see why we affectionately call him "Chunk."
PPS As Chase moved around in his sleep, my body adjusted to each of his new positions, still keeping him upright. I never knew you could sit in a rocker comfortably in such a wide variety of postures. At one point, I had my right leg on the arm of the rocker, my right hand on my right ankle, and my left hand just below my right elbow, with Chase in the middle – I wouldn't have imagined that could be such a cozy little arrangement. It was a lethargic counteraction to the prospect of actually moving the glider over, so my right foot wouldn't hit the baby bed. Much easier to just hold my foot out of the way.
