RAS – A Technique to Undermine Demands/Fear

My demands sound like the usual suspects: have to, should, ought, need, must. However, while I won't admit to being a Southern Belle, by osmosis I have learned more subtle ways of getting my way (which seems to be a nicer way of saying "demanding"). It sounds like a question ("Would you mind opening that door?"); but it is not really a request, it is a very artful demand. If I'm not truly OK with either a "yes" or a "no" response, I'm issuing a demand.

If I have a demand of any kind (and the universe is tuned in to the teensiest of demands), I am basically saying, MY WILL be done. When I demand that MY WILL be done!, I am not open to the gifts of the universe. Taken to the extreme, the possibility of my will NOT being done is such an anathema, that I feel desperate, i.e., fear-driven – and that emotion is powerful enough to dominate my RAS (reticular activating system), thus manifesting that which I fear, instead of that which I want.

All demands have some fear (which includes worry, concern, etc.) that fuels it. If I try to duck any fear, either by denying it or pretending it doesn't exist, it just goes underground, garnering more and more lethal energy.

Facing the fear seems to work the best, and I've acquired and use a technique that seems to diminish the power of fear. It starts with a question, "Let's say your worst fear happens, what will you do then?" Usually, my stock answer to that is, "I don't know." (As if my feared scenario was too awful to even contemplate.) My next question is (and this is the trick), "If you DID know, what would you do?" Invariably, I have an answer to that question.

I don't know why that works, it just does. And if I DID know why that works, I'd say, "It's because the word "if" denotes conditionality, and therefore gives me permission not to have to get the right answer." (But then I'm not for sure, so I'll just say I don't really know.)  <grin>

PS  It works with kids too … until they catch on, which doesn't usually take long; but sometimes they go for it anyway, because the mind can't stand not knowing; deceiving, yes; not knowing, no.