Alone vs Lonely

Way back in the day, I didn't know how to be alone. I was normalized to the press of people that comes with being in a big family. The advantages of a big family are legion, a downside is not knowing how to BE when there's no stimulus from anyone – no one to react/respond to, take cues from or assimilate. No incoming sensory data from ANYone? What's THAT like?

At my age now, I revel in it. Being alone removes all pressure to deal with overt and subtle people-demands – demands to be seen, heard, related to. (An interesting side note: I can be alone, with my daughter Rebecca in the same room – no siphon of energy, no energetic disturbance – just an easy occupation of a shared space. It's like being alone together.)

I may occasionally feel lonely, but honestly, I cannot remember the last time I felt that. I am so WITH people so much of the time, that I treasure my time out from the sensory input. Missing people, that's different. Lonely to me is cut off or shut out from the company of others … a sense of being isolated, separate from everyone else.

Nowadays, being alone is a necessity – like sleep. Sleep restores and repairs, so does being alone. Since sleep is an on-again-off-again treasure in my life, alone-ness is even more of a requirement than it used to be. A few years ago, I wondered if I was turning into a recluse, becoming anti-social. Nope, I just needed an increase in my alone-requirement.

My mind keeps needing to have reality checks, and being alone with myself also allows the time needed to self-assess. Is what I'm doing now still what I WANT to be doing? Without the onslaught of exterior data, I can be more sensitive to the data quietly incoming from my heart.

PS  That's a pic of some of my family, circa 1977 – missing Rebecca, two sisters, a brother, and their families. My immediate family numbers 50 at last count, and my siblings' children are now having children who are having children. Our reunions are boisterous and Way Fun.