Freedom – empowering others to claim their freedom

When Rebecca was little, I recognized early on that it could be easy for her to breeze through life without developing deep, inner strength. She had it all – brains, beauty, athleticism – and an easy, sensitive way with people. What I didn't know about was her inner spiritual rudder, which has never failed her, and which I have come to respect.

When she was 10, she wanted her own phone. She was quite the social connector even back then. At the time, I did a lot of coaching and supporting via the telephone, so our phone line was most often in use by me. I decided that this would be a perfect opportunity to grant her more freedom and teach the consequences of that as well. So we made an agreement. She would get a telephone of her own, I would not set a deadline by which she had to be off the phone; she would maintain her grades and get up the next morning in time to catch her ride to school. Consequences for not keeping the agreement – loss of  phone privilege, having to ride the bus to school (which picked up the kids about 20 minutes later than riding with her friend's parents, and which was considered Way Uncool).

Only one time did she have to ride the bus. The hard part for me was keeping my mouth shut at 11pm, when I could hear her still talking to one of her friends.

While it's impossible to grant freedom to anyone else (they already have freedom), it is another act of faith to empower another to claim their freedom. In this case, my faith in Rebecca and my faith in her journey.

I was watching Spiderman (movie) with Hayleigh, and at the end, Spiderman walks away from Kirsten Dunst, because he doesn't want her exposed to the danger that his lifestyle might bring her way. Accepting his unilateral decision for awhile, she suddenly gets it, leaves her groom at the altar, runs to Spiderman (still in her wedding dress), and says, in effect, "Don't make decisions for me. I understand the implications of your lifestyle, and I'm IN." She was teaching him to empower her to claim her own freedom.

Their choice – as always.