Sneaky Ego
The other day, I struggled within myself over not being given credit for my ideas on a project. I knew it was a battle with my ego, because *I* wanted recognition, *I* wanted to be acknowledged. The *I* was the rather blantant sign of my ego being in charge. A soupcon of a hardened heart was my other undeniable clue.
It took a bit of time determining what was Truth vs Illusion in order to get over the *I* program running on my bio-computer.
When I came home to myself, unattached to who gets credit, redirecting my energy to the bigger picture, to the difference WE were making. I felt easy in my skin again – connected to the US-ness, delighted to be a part of this amazing journey.
That lasted awhile, then my ego craftily whispered, "Verrrrry goooood, Now you are more enlightened than
she is."
Achhhh! (head slap) But then I smirked back, "Yeah, I got you this time. I'm not falling for your
sneakiness."
Silence from the peanut gallery… peace in my heart. Then a whisper, "I'll be back, I'll wait for you to be full of yourself or tired or less resilient. I'll wait, and when you think you've finally got me under control, I'll get you – I'll tear you down or put you on a pedestal above others – either way, I'll do whatever it takes to regain control of you."
Ah, yes, the battle continues – the most important battle I'll ever wage. Heart/spirit vs ego. It just gets more and more subtle (or not so subtle).
You have summarized that inner battle eloquently with a touch of humor as only our beautiful Ann McMaster can do. Thank you! -Kristina
Oh Anne I can totally relate to this. Recently we had an exhibition of 25 artists. I was very honoured to be placed with all the main artists in the reception area. Came the day of setting up and one artist was complaining loudly of her position and I gave up my position in a moment of selflessness.. but boy, in the middle of the night, my ego reared her head like a demon.. I was so utterly furious with myself for giving up my spot and I could not let go. I cursed this woman roundly in my head, I cursed myself for my stupidity.. but then I realised that all of this was just ego ego ego.. I had lost the purpose and reason that i paint. My painting is an act of connection with the Divine, an act of letting go of everything including and especially Ego. It’s about partnering with Life as it Is, Trusting, Flowing etc.. and in one fell swoop it all became about me me me me me. I had a little chuckle at myself eventually and let go but boy, it took some work!!