Response-able vs Reactive
I've been monitoring my own space about the shooting in Newtown, as well as monitoring the posts
about it on FaceBook and on TV.
My first reaction was one of shock and horror – "this can't be happening, this shouldn't be happening." That phase didn't last long, once the reality became clear – it Did Happen. Then came my sadness for the children and the teachers, for their families, for the community. I felt connected to their grief. I know what it is to lose someone I love, and I can only imagine the sadness of losing a loved one that suddenly and that shockingly.
Then I read the vituperative debate of the gun abolitionists and the mental illness proponents – if you can characterize vicious name-calling a debate. It seemed that lines were drawn, positions were uncompromising. It became a vehicle for opposing sides to vent their spleen – more hate, more violence … and the Newtown tragedy became secondary through that process.
Once I got some breath in me about this, I looked at my choice of being reactive or of being response-able. I could get reactive and get on the bandwagon of one side or another, beat my chest. Or I can be response-able – able to respond to my own feelings of grief, able to respond with prayer for the families, compassion for the whole community, including the family of the shooter. I also want to be response-able for finding a way forward that honors what happened, that honors those lives that were sacrificed. The more we know, the more discerning our path forward will be.
Our choice – be awake and open (response-able) or positioned and closed (reactive). I do both. I commit to being aware of my reactivity and swing back to being response-able.
You are beautiful. Thank you for sharing you…all of you. xoxoxo
thank you for reminding me of my response and of my experience of greif Much Love to you !
I know you speak for yourself and your words are your words but they resonate with me too so I thank you for taking this time to write yours down on this ‘forum’. It is an extra opportunity to hold proverbial hands in our prayers and response-able ness.
I wish you are yours and all who are connected through this, a most heart opening and loving time this season.
xx
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Spot on, to my eyes, in choosing between reaction and response. I know I lost myself for a few days in reaction, and am striving with good heart to open and shift.
I have a notice and a question for you. When I read “vituperative debate of the gun abolitionists and the mental illness proponents – if you can characterize vicious name-calling a debate,” I find that it doesn’t resonate with my experience of the national and online conversations. I have seen deeply positioned reactivity and “vicious name-calling” on all sides of these issues (I got sucked in myself). I have also seen deeply thoughtful and open-hearted outreach on all sides. I’m wondering why you chose these two to focus on in your (brief) post?
One of the choices I’ve made is to recommit to a discipline I picked up from a friend’s rule for her children, “We do not call other people by names that they would not choose for themselves.” That doesn’t mean to me that I have to collude in someone’s self-delusions, but it does mean that I stop putting my words on people. So I am back to saying things like “proponents of the 2nd Amendment”, “the NRA and other pro-gun lobbyists”, or “gun owners” … rather than some of the words that my mind has conjured. I bring it up because I’ve never heard anyone self-identify as a “gun abolitionist.” I would call myself a range of things, a “gun-control advocate,” and a “critic of the 2nd Amendment,” but I am not an “abolitionist” in either how I view myself nor in the policies I advocate. I don’t personally know anyone who is. Do you?
What I do believe is that many people in this country share the same core wants: safety for our children and ourselves, freedom to act as our conscious guides us, freedom from fear, and probably many other points of commonality. We disagree on how best to achieve that. That’s ok.
We can, perhaps, all make common cause on changing the tone of the conversation.
Hey Kristin,
The vicious name-calling was on FaceBook. Really I was surprised that FaceBook allowed that much profanity. I like your friend’s rule for her children. My personal discipline is not to dishonor the essence of anyone – the essence that is open-hearted and truth-telling. And yes, I know several people who are totally positioned ‘against’ some point of view, in this case, the abolishment of guns. Like you, I believe if we focus on what we want – safety for our children, freedom to follow our hearts, etc. – we will elevate our consciousness and therefore be more proactive in agendas we support, the laws we make, and the way we live our lives.
Hey Ann … You are sure right about the profanity on facebook. Some of it was mine, making your more recent post about not swearing in the car entirely on point. I’ve definitely been moving in that direction with my renewed discipline about what to call people (either out loud or when I catch it in my thoughts).
I initially read your “gun abolitionist” as a characterization of the broad “critical of the current role of guns” side of the debate, as opposed to to an extreme minority. Honestly, I hadn’t heard that term before, and it felt off and clunky to me, so I Googled. At that time, the top hit was the NRA, and the rest on the screen were all using it to mock or ridicule. That’s changed now — as has so much about our consensus (and contentious) consciousness on these issues.
I’m grateful that we can make common cause on shifting the focus and consciousness we bring to the conversation.
Bless Google! and yes, I’m also grateful to your for your rigor of thought, directness and openness to inquiry. May we all learn from you!
Hi Ann
I am wondering if you are the Ann who came to South Africa about 15 years ago and gave a weekend “course” – can’t remember the name. It was fantastic. Then a few of us went with you to a game reserve for a few days. Is this you?
Maxine
Back then is was The Life Training … and very likely, I often went to the bush either before or after a training weekend. Then I moved there for all of 95 and 96 … in JHB. There is also Anne Brown, who is a trainer for the same course and has also gone to game reserves ….
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