Meanwhile I’m running through a list of “behaviors” that will help the Chargers win – yelling encouragement, saying specific things, not saying anything, practicing being calm/cool/collected/trusting, muttering predictions that will hopefully happen, walking away in case I’m bringing bad juju … and the list goes on.
When something does go the way I want it to, I repeat the behavior. When it doesn’t, I switch to another behavior to better manipulate the outcome.
OK, so I’m trying to control the exterior world, because it would be soooo good for my grandson’s team. I’m not against the other team, I just want the Chargers to win.
Hmmmm. This attempt to control my exterior world is not a new thing, nor is it limited to my grandchildren’s teams. I mutter imprecations to other drivers on the freeways to make sure they don’t do what I don’t want them to do; I order my day every day, I demand life speed up (or slow down), I promise to be “good” (provided that I get what I want) … and the list goes on.
Life is unwilling to be manipulated, to bargain or guarantee anything. That seems so unfair. If I’m good, why would life “punish me” by not rewarding good behavior?
There is no answer that satisfies my ego. My spirit rejoices in the constant unfolding of opportunities and, by choice, to bring the fullness of mySELF to each moment. Endless creativity.