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"/>YOU OWE ME!! - Ann McMaster M.A., L.P.C.



Indeed. My parents owe me – after all, they had me, now they owe me happiness and a college degree. My children owe me – after all I’ve done for THEM, they owe me respect, good grades, and to do what I tell them. My friends owe me – after all I’ve been through with them, they owe me to be there for me when I need them, regardless of what is going on in their own lives. My country – after all the taxes I’ve paid, you owe me a free education, financial security in my old age and minimal costs for health care. Oh, and God – after all the boring sermons/lectures I’ve listened to, not to mention my intention to live a good Christian life – YOU owe me an Easy Life. I’ve been “good” to “all y’all” – so you owe me to be good back to me!

But since y’all are NOT living up to your end of My Bargain, I have the perfect right to be pissed off at you and treat you any way I want.

The above is not just me … it’s endemic in our current culture. It’s not as easy for me to pick up this refrain when I’m in the thick middle of this internally, but I dang sure pick it up when it comes at me externally. My internal retort is, “Since when did I become responsible for the quality of YOUR life?” And the corollary – “When will I become responsible for the quality of My Own Life?”

2 Responses

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    Warren Kahn taught Effective Parenting and I learnt a HUGE amount about this behaviour based on the belief of “You owe me”. The awakening has irreversibly changed my relationship with my son. I am so grateful for these tools and the way forward to notice what drives the behaviour. Thank you Ann

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    Johanna Wright

    I find that I do this most with partners. People who owe me because I married and was loving to me. I have been blind to my own attitudes and expectations. When it (the you owe me attitude) happens both ways there’s no way a relationship can be happy.

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