In my childhood, I believed that I didn’t belong in this world. I was dropped off on the wrong planet and somehow have to figure out how to “fit in” with people I don’t understand, who don’t think like me, who aspire to things I do not, etc. There was always someone who was better than I was … at everything. So where do ‘I’ belong?
This question has bugged me, off and on, for the last 7 decades. I finally got that I belong right here in this moment, just as I am .. given that, in reality, I am nowhere else and not any different than exactly how I am in this moment. But what does that mean exactly?
During my meditation today, I had my right hand over my heart, my left hand on my lower torso. I felt my heart beat under my hand, then noticed I could feel the resonance of my heart beat in my head, especially in my ear drums … then… I felt a simultaneous echo of my heart beat under my left hand. I felt humbled – how much I take for granted that my heart beats … every minute of every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade .. beating … only for me. My heart doesn’t beat for you, nor does your heart beat for me. My heart beats ONLY FOR ME! What does THAT mean?
I’m not sure what it means, exactly. I only know that it is comforting to know that my heart beats for me … only for me. Humbling.