LIFE AS IT IS

Resentment – Getting Clean

I feel unclean when I have resentment. My jaw clenches, my torso is tight, and I just feel mean – mean
spirited, mean-bodied. And when I say spiteful things, I can sometimes actually taste the bitterness at the back of my tongue. That's the first part – catching the symptomology of resentment, feeling spiritually tainted, being Against anything or anyone (vs. For something that's heartfelt).

The second part is admitting to myself all the ways I've paid *them* back. There's usually a nasty Pay Back pattern regardless of who I resent or what they did. My fall-back revenge is usually a secret superiority (it's not very nice to let it show), which justifies me to do it My Way (if necessary, ask for forgiveness later). When I admit to myself all the dishonoring things I thought or did, I feel shame, contrition, embarrassment – depending on how treacherous my thoughts have been (hoping I'm there the day they get theirs!) or how I've behaved.

Images-1Once I've owned up, feeling penitent, I have another choice to make, do I make restitution face to face? Or do it spiritually, in a visualization? With people I care for (which are usually the ones that get on my resentment list the easiest, because those are the ones I have the most demand that they be the way I want them to be), the face-to-face has always worked. Truly, I am surrounded by benevolence, people with the most compassionate of hearts, who forgive easily. They keep me humble and even more determined to be my best.

More to come.

 

33 Responses

  1. June Walker

    Oh yes. I shall look out for this word ‘symptomology’ – new to me – but they all fit. I always look for more from you Ann. Thank you always.

  2. Erica Alheit

    I am delighted to say that that kind of muscle tightening resentment has left the temple of my body. I am just far too happy to spend much time in the murky pool of resentment. Life is just too darn short to waste on any of that stuff and too darn exciting not to grab onto the coat tails of a passing joy ride and fly with it! Feeling good today, clearly, hope you do too!

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  13. Ikram

    You’ve just described addiction and recovery.
    Resentments, often unconscious ones, being the lead cause of relapse.
    In AA they talk about it being like drinking poison expecting somebody else to get sick.
    I need to clean my side of the street, not take somebody else’s inventory.
    The spiritual tools being honesty, open mindedness and willingness.
    I always notice how seemingly different spiritual paths all describe the same route towards the light.
    I find that rather beautiful.
    Taking responsibility for my resentments is what getting and staying clean is all about.

    Ah, how the years of being trained by Life and my teachers are making the pennies drop.

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