Feeling “Unsafe”

Feeling “Unsafe”

Lately three people have told me they feel “unsafe” around certain people or in specific circumstances.

Examining that feeling in myself, a memory bubbled up of feeling “unsafe” with some of my pre-divorce friends, who, post-divorce, never asked if I was OK. There was no communication, hence disconnection … ample fodder for my mind to interpret their lack of reaching out as detrimental to me.

So I did what seemed natural, I disconnected from them as well, didn’t reach out, didn’t ask them if they were OK. I didn’t feel “safe” from their “against-ness.” It took awhile to sort this out for myself, noticing that this wasn’t the only instance of feeling “unsafe” in my life, nor was it the only time I disconnected in order not to feel “unsafe.” OK, I saw the pattern.

Underlying the whole issue was lack of faith in myself that I would stand for myself in the heat of the moment. Many years of caving in, avoiding conflict resulted in lack of trust ….not in them, IN ME. I got it, it is not up to “them” to do what I expect and not do what I don’t expect, so that I feel “safe.” That is not their job, it is mine. It is up to ME, regardless of what is said or done, to trust my essence – to dispel illusion, to seek the truth.

PS  This picture (me, 2 years old) reminds me of who I am at my essence.This I can trust.

16 Responses

  1. Clare Vivian-Neal

    So timely to be reminded of this profound truth that my safety is in my hands/heart/head. Not out there. Others may make it easier or harder, but it is mine to seek.

  2. Johanna Wright

    In a carjacking in South Africa I ran after the car and opened the door whilst the car was reversing. They had my brother in law in the car and were making a getaway. I reached out to them and made a request as we were moving. They could have the car but would they please release my brother. The driver slowed down to let me unlock the seatbelt of my brother-in-law! The lack of fear and mindtalk in that instance still amazes me.
    I love your post, yes feeling unsafe we often shut others out. Thank you Ann.
    Love you Johanna

  3. Darla Shirley

    Wow! This is a very awesome article and reflects what I have been discovering for myself. I would have said I am a strong and confident person but recently started noticing how many times I blamed others when I felt uncomfortable or unsafe.
    It was an eye-opener to realize that I can take care of myself and not believing so has been a lot of my relational problem.
    AND that I can choose what I believe and how I take care of myself.

  4. Pam

    I love that photo of you. I see Ann in that beautiful toddler face and those crystal eyes.

    Thank you for this message! Timely for me as well.

  5. Penny F. Dressor

    Fantastic share! Starting to examine my me-ness and finding my voice to speak my truth with integrity and compassion. So, easy to wish others would “HAVE” , should “HAVE” protected me…but I do know it is my journey to protect me as an adult!! So hard to speak my truth based on fear of upsetting someone else!


  6. Sarah Lopez

    Years ago, when I was wondering whether or not I could trust someone, you said, “It’s not whether or not they are ultimately trustworthy, what’s more important is whether you can trust yourself to handle it if they do something to break your trust.”
    The wisdom you shared has stood the test of time. Thanks for continuing to look within and share the gems you find.

    Beautiful little girl! Beautiful woman!

  7. Amber Hicks

    Hello Ann—

    It’s been many years since we connected, but I wanted you to know that I enjoy and value your emails/posts. I find them incredibly relevant to my life. Thank you! Amber Nicole (formerly Cornett)

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